When I look at my husband, I see the love in his eyes. When I see that, all I want to do is melt into his arms. But it seems like all I can do is look away or attempt to push him away.
Why you ask?
Well, it's because I have been hurt by men in the past. Hurt to the point that it's hard for me to trust. I trust my husband 110%, don't get me wrong on that. I've let him in this far. I still have a hardened heart so to say.
Also, I have "what it's" that keep jumping up (Devil stay away!!). What if I had dated this guy or that guy? What if I had said this or that to them? There have been a million questions as to if I should have dated this guy or that guy.
All I can say is I'm glad that I didn't. Glad because I'd have been settling for those guys. Settling just because I wanted a man in my life...a husband to me and father to my future children. My now husband keeps me guessing. Keeps me on my feet. Makes me feel wanted, needed, and loved.
He keeps me wanting more and more. He has NEVER made me feel like I was just wanted for sex. That's what a couple of the guys I dated made me feel like. The third one wanted me to feel that way, but I shot him down. Another just wanted what was best so he let me go. That I am grateful for.
I had one guy that I had gone to school with that was chasing me. I tried in more ways than one to say, "Hey...I don't like you like you like me." I didn't want to come across as mean, but wound up doing what I had hoped I wouldn't. Only way for him to get this message was to actually say that I had a bf and to post it on Facebook.
He was pissed to say the least. He actually deleted me as a friend. I want him as a friend, but I'm not gonna worry about it. He has a wife and I have a husband. I love "P" and Joseph loves his wife.
Thank God for my WONDERFUL husband, without him I feel incomplete. He is the missing peice.
Why is "P" that for me?
Reason is is that I used to have pregnancy dreams galore. The last one i had showed me everything BUT "P's" face. Also, I kept seeing ads for a dating website for www.ichurch.com. Once I met him, I no longer had the dreams and no longer saw the add for the dating site.
It is all a "God thing."
