Being A Negative Nancy

I don't mean to be a negative Nancy...ever. But it's soooo easy to get into that kind of routine. 

A routine thinking that no matter what you do is good enough. That you aren't good enough for certain things. That you CAN'T do certain things. 

I am good enough.

I do try. 

But how hard do I try?? I try as hard as I can. I want everything to be perfect...and that's what gets me every single time. 

I try so hard in making everything perfect, that I screw things up. If I just try to do my best and not make things perfect (or what I perceive as perfect to my boss/supervisor) then I might just do a lot better. 

Focus on one thing at a time. 

And here I go being a negative Nancy again and being hard on myself. Also, the harder I am on myself, the worse things seem to be.

I also must admit that cleaning is NOT my forte at all. I just can't hang. I can't keep up. I'm also afraid that if I rush, I won't do a good enough job. That I will forget something. 

But it's time to look forward, not backwards. It's time to look for the positives, not the negatives. 

One positive is that I am happy at the moment. Happy that I'm not feeling a lot of stress right now due to work. 

Anywho...if yall, my readers, pray, please pray for me that I can find a new job.

Thanks a million!!!

New job

My new job, from what I have noticed, seem to be a little more on the strict side of things. Which I appreciate more than they know. 

My last job was incredibly lax in how they did things and how they enforced rules and enforced how to clean things. I also feel like I was not taught correctly. You can't teach someone any new skills in less than a day. I'm sorry, but you just can't. So, now I really have to put it into high gear and make sure that I do everything correctly based on the limited training that I do have. 

Argh!!!! 

But I do appreciate the higher standards that this company seems to have. Also this company has been in business for 33 years. So they really have cleaning down to a "T". I should be able to learn how to correctly do things and reset myself vs how I was "taught". 

***I will not be stating the name of this company until I know that I will be staying for the long haul***

New job...new me

Well, I got a new job yesterday. This morning, I turned in my immediate resignation. Tomorrow is my first day at my new job. 

Maybe one day I will return to my last job...maybe I won't. I'm not really sure. 

I do know that this new job is a 10-15 minute drive from my house. MUCH better than a 25-30 minute drive. It's still housekeeping, though. 

I'm looking forward to turning a new leaf over. Get away from all the nay sayers from my last job and PROVE that I can do this. I may not be the best but I know I can do this. Plus, it seems we will be working in a team atmosphere. Which is great. 

Focus and get it done. I CAN do this!!! 

Been 4 REALLY long years

It's been 4 really long years since I posted on this blog. For that, I am truly sorry!!! Life and other things got in the way.

But I am here to update and hopefully continue to update on this blog as well.

I seriously hope that you all can forgive me. 

I just wanted to update and say that I'm still here. 

I'll be updating later today after church. So stay tuned because I have a LOT to tell y'all!!!!! 

Just gotta let go

When I look at my husband, I see the love in his eyes. When I see that, all I want to do is melt into his arms. But it seems like all I can do is look away or attempt to push him away.

Why you ask?

Well, it's because I have been hurt by men in the past. Hurt to the point that it's hard for me to trust. I trust my husband 110%, don't get me wrong on that. I've let him in this far. I still have a hardened heart so to say.

Also, I have "what it's" that keep jumping up (Devil stay away!!). What if I had dated this guy or that guy? What if I had said this or that to them? There have been a million questions as to if I should have dated this guy or that guy.

All I can say is I'm glad that I didn't. Glad because I'd have been settling for those guys. Settling just because I wanted a man in my life...a husband to me and father to my future children. My now husband keeps me guessing. Keeps me on my feet. Makes me feel wanted, needed, and loved.


He keeps me wanting more and more. He has NEVER made me feel like I was just wanted for sex. That's what a couple of the guys I dated made me feel like. The third one wanted me to feel that way, but I shot him down. Another just wanted what was best so he let me go. That I am grateful for.

I had one guy that I had gone to school with that was chasing me. I tried in more ways than one to say, "Hey...I don't like you like you like me." I didn't want to come across as mean, but wound up doing what I had hoped I wouldn't. Only way for him to get this message was to actually say that I had a bf and to post it on Facebook.

He was pissed to say the least. He actually deleted me as a friend. I want him as a friend, but I'm not gonna worry about it. He has a wife and I have a husband. I love "P" and Joseph loves his wife.

Thank God for my WONDERFUL husband, without him I feel incomplete. He is the missing peice.

Why is "P" that for me?

Reason is is that I used to have pregnancy dreams galore. The last one i had showed me everything BUT "P's" face. Also, I kept seeing ads for a dating website for www.ichurch.com. Once I met him, I no longer had the dreams and no longer saw the add for the dating site.


It is all a "God thing."

Trusting your significant other

I have gone back and forth between fully trusting my husband and being on the fence.

Well, just now, I just had this moment of peace come over me. I feel, and know I must heade His command, that I need and must trust my husband 100%.

Why did I go back and forth you ask?? Well, I have been hurt so many times in my past when it came to guys. Either I wasn't good enough or they fooled me into thinking they liked me or they had found someone new and didn't tell me until 2 weeks later (we had been together around 6-7 months at the time).

I trust that my wonderful God put my huband Patrick in my path for a reason. He has shown me what REAL love looks like. He has shown me how a man should treat a woman.

Yes Lord, I WILL trust him. I will listen to you and trust him!!!!

My thoughts as of now

So my thoughts of living together vs not and having sex before marriage vs not.

Living together vs not--If you want my opinion, I think that it's the wisest decision that anyone can make. You learn what the other person is all about. You learn how THEY live and how THEY clean. You learn more than you probably want to know about someone. But you learn wether to stick it out or go your sepreate ways...even if you are engaged. For me, my husband and I moved in together about a year after we got engaged to each other. I have had my moments of ups and downs with living together before marriage. But it was truly the best experience that I have ever had. I wouldn't have changed that experience for the world. It helped us both understand each other for the best. We had arguments (and still do) over stupid stuff. You WILL argue!!! It's normal!!!!!!

Now for sex before marriage. I still struggle with some guilt because of it. I was always raised (and took an oath) that I wouldn't have sex before marriage. At 24, I lost it to someone who was NOT my husband (we hadn't met at the time of said lost virginity). We met a couple months later, thank God. Anyways, it's good to remain a virgin until you find your life long mate....or at least until you become engaged to them. Once that happens, then I feel like you should have sex and go ahead and learn how they are in bed. But don't critize how they are in bed while still in said bed. Discuss it later. Learn what each other does and does not like sexually. What does and does not turn the other on. Make sure that you learn each other!!!! It helps I promise.