My thoughts as of now

So my thoughts of living together vs not and having sex before marriage vs not.

Living together vs not--If you want my opinion, I think that it's the wisest decision that anyone can make. You learn what the other person is all about. You learn how THEY live and how THEY clean. You learn more than you probably want to know about someone. But you learn wether to stick it out or go your sepreate ways...even if you are engaged. For me, my husband and I moved in together about a year after we got engaged to each other. I have had my moments of ups and downs with living together before marriage. But it was truly the best experience that I have ever had. I wouldn't have changed that experience for the world. It helped us both understand each other for the best. We had arguments (and still do) over stupid stuff. You WILL argue!!! It's normal!!!!!!

Now for sex before marriage. I still struggle with some guilt because of it. I was always raised (and took an oath) that I wouldn't have sex before marriage. At 24, I lost it to someone who was NOT my husband (we hadn't met at the time of said lost virginity). We met a couple months later, thank God. Anyways, it's good to remain a virgin until you find your life long mate....or at least until you become engaged to them. Once that happens, then I feel like you should have sex and go ahead and learn how they are in bed. But don't critize how they are in bed while still in said bed. Discuss it later. Learn what each other does and does not like sexually. What does and does not turn the other on. Make sure that you learn each other!!!! It helps I promise.

I know now

I know for a fact that my wedding was NOT  a mistake. It was actually the best thing ever to happen to me and my life.

I saw the first medic that I dated around three or so years ago. He brought in a patient, of course. Well, he didn't say anything to me, which I was kinda glad about. Normally, I am really tense when I am around him and one other. Just glad he didn't say anything to me.

He had told me a while back that I didn't need to get married right now...that I needed to "live my life". Ha!!! I've lived it long enough to know when I am ready for something and when I am not.

BTW, I am the type of woman that's gonna let you know what I want out of my life. If you don't want the same thing, you can ship out. I let him know that when I dated him, which lead to the whole "You need to live your life" bs.

Anyways, I finally found my husband. It was like 2 months after it ended with Bryan. I am very thankful that it had ended with Bryan, because I was lead to Patrick. I will always be grateful for Bryan and even more so for Patrick. If Bryan hadn't ended things with me, I'd be stuck...stuck in a place that I didn't want to be. If it hadn't been for Bryan, I wouldn't have searched and prayed and asked that the right man be sent to me. I would have just been STUCK!!!!!

Happy Easter!!

I hope that everyone has had a good Easter today.

I've spent mine at work...and I get off at 7:00. Not too bad.

May everyone's day be wonderful!!!

All of this bad stuff

With all that has happened over the last few days, I've started wondering even more.

Wondering about what??

Wondering about whether or not I should actually have kids of my own. I've always wanted kids, but with all of this crap going on lately, I've considered NOT having children. It's been sitting heavy on my heart for several weeks now. Maybe even longer than that. 

I've prayed about it. The answers I keep getting are to have children. Not to bypass having them. You know, if you ask, you shall receive that answers that you are looking for. Sometimes you just have to be quiet (or in a couple of instances, asleep) to receive those answers. 

It's difficult for me. I have always wanted children. Children are truly a blessing from God himself. They are given to you perfect, or in many cases with disabilities, for a reason. 

All I can do is pray and pray some more. I'm not going to defy what God is telling me to do...which is have children. I keep getting the same answer from him about this.....have children. He has the perfect child for me. 

Cleaning....story of my life

Cleaning...it's the story of my life. Hate it but its necessary.

I haven't done that much, so maybe if I turned this tv off I'd get it done huh? Hehehe!!!

Bad thing is is that one of my fave shows is on right now. But the last one ends at 4:30. What's worse cause we have peeps coming over today!!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!

So yes cleaning sucks. More so when your fave shows are on. Must get it done now tho. The sooner it's done the better I will feel.

Changed my name

Went to the social security office today and officially changed my name. It's now Erin Amanda B.... Not gonna spell out the last name all the way.

I had issues with deciding how to do my name. Erin Amanda c-b; Erin c b; Erin Amanda C.

BUT I went with Erin Amanda B. not bad at all. I'm just gla that I went ahead and did it today. Almost forgot about it too. I did yesterday. Lol!!!!!

So it's done. I'll officially be mrs b tomorrow morning.

My apartment

I HATE it!!!!!!

I have so many things going WRONG with it!!! There are leaks everywhere. My a/c unit keeps freezing up. My tiled tub is jacked up (enter other words there that aren't acceptable). I'm afraid for mold. It smells like an ashtray because of the neighbors right next door and below me...cigarette smoke comes through so easily and my fiancé and I don't smoke!!!!!!

God,
Please help me keep my sanity!!!